


Relief

by lovekernel



Category: Casualty (TV)
Genre: Bisexual Alicia Munroe, Coming Out, F/F, Internalized Homophobia, Mutual Pining, the normal amount for wlw but worth tagging
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-18
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-05-24 22:22:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14963291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovekernel/pseuds/lovekernel
Summary: Alicia comes out to Bea as bisexual, and Bea has a sudden realisation





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on a prompt submitted by anonymous on Tumblr, in which Alicia comes out to Bea and they have been living together for about a year. Alicia's assault isn't directly addressed in this but it is in the background and vaguely referenced to, just so everyone's aware! Thanks for reading and please let me know what you think!

Alicia fumbled to find her phone on her bedside table and switch off her alarm. She stretched her arms above her head and yawned, then she sat up, swung her legs off the side of her bed and stood up. Alicia’s second alarm went and she shut it off, walking to the door.

In the hallway she heard two laughs from the bedroom across from hers and she recalled that Bea brought company back with her last night. Alicia came home from the pub much earlier but Bea sent her a polite warning text to let her know she wasn’t coming home alone.

Alicia went downstairs to the kitchen and put the kettle on. She had just sat down with a cup of tea when she heard Bea’s door open and footsteps down the stairs. She had her back to the door but she was itching to turn around and get a look at this woman.

"Thanks for this, I had fun!” came an unfamiliar voice from the end of the hallway. Alicia heard the front door open.

“So did I!” Bea said. “Thanks for coming.”

There were giggles and Alicia twisted around to catch a glimpse of the source before she left. All she got was dark hair and a blue dress pressed up to Bea and firmly attached to her face. Eventually they disengaged and the woman kissed Bea’s cheek before waving and stepping out the door. Bea watched her for a second and finally shut the door.

Bea turned around and spotted Alicia watching her. She grinned. “Morning! Creep much?” she said, walking through to the kitchen.

Alicia tilted her head to one side. “Better than radio though, isn’t it?”

Bea switched on the kettle and opened their crockery cupboard, only to close it again.

“So,” Alicia said, taking a sip of her tea, “who was that?”

Bea had her back to her at the sink, running the tap. “Umm…”

“Seriously, Bea? She left thirty seconds ago!”

Bea turned around with a sponge and a smile. “No, Alicia, not seriously. Her name’s Emma.” She turned back to the sink. “Honestly, you think I’m some sort of lesbian Casanova.”

Alicia scoffed. “Maybe if you had more time.”

Bea threw a tea towel at her, Alicia caught it and threw it back, laughing.

Bea put on some toast and sat down at the table beside Alicia with some coffee in her favourite mug. A Christmas gift from Alicia, because it was yellow with a red handle she thought it looked just like Bea’s car.

“How’d your night turn out then?” Bea asked.

Alicia shrugged. “It was fine, nothing special.”

Bea hummed through the lip of her mug. “I saw you with a man at some point. Really tall. Anything happen there?”

Alicia shook her head. “He wanted something to happen but I wasn’t feeling it.”

Bea nodded. “Yeah, well, if it doesn’t feel right…”

Alicia ran the tip of her finger around the rim of her cup. “Never really does anymore,” she whispered.

She looked up and found Bea staring her down, using that gentle but firm way of looking at her she had mastered, that could make Alicia spill anything.

“Care to elaborate?” Bea asked.

“I don’t know,” Alicia said, “it’s just… men. I’m not sure which ones are worth trusting and I’m exhausted from trying to work it out all the time. And honestly, I just, I can’t be bothered. I don’t want to do it anymore.” Alicia sighed. “The problem is, though, I do want a relationship, I’m ready for one now, I just don’t want a man really. I guess that’s what I’m saying.”

Bea gave her a small smile, leaned in close and put her hand on Alicia’s. “I know exactly how you feel,” she said solemnly.

Alicia laughed out loud and Bea took her hand back, grinning.

“Okay, no!” Alicia said. “I’m not converting to lesbianism, I’m pretty sure I’m still attracted to men, I just… ah, I need a break from them. At least for a while.”

“That’s fine so,” Bea said, leaning back in her chair. “Take a break from dating, just be on your own for a while. And who knows, maybe when you stop thinking about it so much, someone great will come along.”

“Yeah, I mean… yeah,” Alicia said. “Or…”

Her heart was pounding all of a sudden.

“Or…?” Bea asked expectantly.

Alicia had never said it aloud before, that’s why she was so nervous. But this was Bea, and if there was anyone she could finally tell this to, it was her.

Alicia took a breath. “Or there’s always another option… apart from men.”

Bea squinted at her for a second and relaxed, understanding what she meant. “Oh!”

Alicia smiled with relief. “Yeah!”

Bea nodded. “Have you always…?”

“Yes!” Alicia said. “I mean, I wasn’t sure before, or at least I wasn’t sure how much I wanted…” Alicia swallowed, “...women before.” It felt so good to say it.

Bea didn’t say anything in response, just nodded and waited for Alicia to go on speaking.

“Like, I always knew the attraction was there, and I’ve, you know, kissed women before, and I’ve liked it. A lot.”

Alicia laughed and Bea joined her.

“I guess I just thought maybe that’s as far as I’d go,” Alicia continued. “I’ve never done the dating thing or... anything, and I’ve never put a label on it before because I didn’t think that part of me was… big enough, I guess? But lately I’ve been thinking about it more, and some stuff has made me realise that my attraction to women is about as strong as my attraction to men. Right now, maybe stronger.”

Alicia paused.

“So I guess I’m… bisexual!” She put her hands up and dropped them on the table again, smiling wide.

She really did feel like a huge weight had been taken off her chest. She didn’t realise how heavy it was until it was gone.

Bea put her hand on Alicia’s again and leaned in. “That’s amazing, Alicia! I’m so happy for you.”

Alicia put her other hand on top of Bea’s. “Thanks, Bea.”

Bea looked at their hands for a moment, then up at Alicia.

“What sort of stuff’s been happening to make you realise you’re bisexual?”

Alicia stared into Bea’s eyes, just looking at the light and care and passion she carried in them.

She bit her lip. “Just…”

Her heart was pounding again. Alicia wondered if Bea could feel her pulse if she paid attention. She took her hands back and leaned away. Bea slowly slid her hand back across the table and onto her lap.

“Just from not being so comfortable with men, I guess, it got me thinking about what else was out there.”

“Ah yeah, I see,” Bea said. “Well! I could take you out to meet some ladies-“ She stopped herself. “Unless you need some time to get used to this?”

Smiling, Alicia shook her head. “No, no. I’ve been sorting through it for a long time. There’s no reason not to jump in really.”

“How long exactly?” Bea asked.

“A year or so, I’d say.”

Bea’s eyes darkened. “So since…”

“Yeah,” Alicia said, “but it wasn’t just him. I was questioning things before then.” She looked over at the counter. “Your toast is done.”

Bea hopped off her chair and went to get a knife. “Well, well. Of all the times to figure out you’re bi, right when you start living with a lesbian was pretty perfect timing, don’t ya think?” She sat back down with a plate.

Alicia watched Bea spreading butter on her toast. “Ha, yeah, I suppose it was.”

Bea waved the knife about. “I can teach you everything I know! I’m a great teacher,” she said, quirking an eyebrow, “and I’m quite the expert.” She took a bite.

Alicia laughed. “If you do say so yourself!”

Bea pointed her toast at her. “I’m sure if you asked around I’d come highly recommended.”

Alicia took a sip of her tea. “Hmm, I’m sure you would.”

She watched Bea chewing daintily, head turned away and looking out the window. Bea could flirt her way through anything with anyone she chose. As if she really needed to, Alicia thought. The woman was just magnetic from first glance.

Bea turned her head suddenly.

“So, who else have you told?”

Alicia stared at her. “Just you, Bea.”

Bea’s face softened at those words. “Really?”

Alicia chuckled. “Yes, really. You couldn’t tell from the tone?”

“No! Sorry, I just…” Bea put her hand over her heart. “I’m honoured.”

“Thanks, but, I don’t know, it’s not a big deal really.”

Bea lowered her head and looked up at Alicia through her eyelashes. “Isn’t it though?” she said softly.

Alicia gazed over Bea’s face and realised she could tell exactly how she was feeling in the last few minutes. She had been through this before, Alicia knew, probably quite a few times, so she had felt the relief herself of being accepted and validated, and perhaps experienced the opposite reaction too. Bea knew that it didn’t matter how comfortable you were with your sexuality, how many times you had gone over it in your head. Sharing it with someone, especially for the first time, was a big deal. Even if the person you were telling was your lesbian housemate. Telling someone else made it real. It wasn’t just thoughts you explored in your head anymore, it was a part of your identity.

Alicia nodded. “You’re right, it is a big deal.”

Bea smiled and straightened up. “Do you feel better now you’ve said it?”

Alicia exhaled. “Oh, yeah!”

“I know, there’s nothing like it!” Bea took a look at her phone on the table. “Um, I’m afraid we’ll have to continue this conversation later,” she looked up at Alicia, “because we are officially late for work.”

Alicia took Bea’s phone and looked at the time. “Damn. Yeah, later.” She gave the phone back and stood up to leave the kitchen. At the door she turned around and leaned against the doorframe.

“Bea, before I forget.” Alicia waited until Bea turned around and looked at her. “Thank you.”

“You can talk to me about anything, you know that,” Bea said through a mouthful of toast.

“It’s not just that, though I’m really, really grateful for that, seriously. It’s just you were a big help when I was figuring all this out. I was never really afraid of facing this part of myself when I was around you. You know, you just… showed me how good love could be again, and also seeing you with women, and being so confident and you know, owning it… not to sound cheesy but it’s a big part of what inspired me to come out to myself.”

Bea opened her mouth and didn’t say anything. Alicia smiled to herself and tried not to feel so pleased about making Bea blush.

“Um, wow,” Bea said, wide-eyed. “That means a lot to me. More than you know.”

Alicia nodded, looked down at the ground and back up at Bea. “You mean a lot to me,” Alicia said.

Bea got up from her chair and walked over to Alicia. She took a deep breath. “You mean a lot to me too.”

Bea opened her arms and Alicia fell into them, gripping her tightly. After a few seconds they let go and stepped back a little from each other, smiling.

Alicia put her hand on Bea’s cheek and turned her head. “Oh, would you look at that, you’ve got something on your face.”

Bea rolled her eyes. “What?”

Alicia scrunched her nose. “Looks like lipstick. I’ll get it off for you.” She licked her thumb and smirked. “Can’t let you go to work like this, can I?

Alicia almost touched Bea’s cheek before she wriggled away. “Ew, don’t be gross!”

Alicia laughed as Bea ducked under her arm and dashed towards the stairs.

“I’m going to go wash my face,” Bea said. She pointed sternly at Alicia. “Be ready to leave in ten minutes.”

“Okay.”

Bea nodded once and continued on her path.

 

Alicia leaned against the wall and listened to Bea’s footsteps upstairs. She took a long, deep breath and exhaled, feeling light.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anonymous requested a second chapter to this where Bea does take Alicia to meet women and she’s fine with it at first but soon realises she’s not so fine with it after all! It’s got a bit of a cold open, just because I didn’t feel like writing a filler introduction. Thanks for reading and please do let me know what you think!

 

Bea watched the woman take Alicia’s hand and lead her away into the crowd. Alicia looked back at Bea with a nervous smile and Bea shot her an encouraging wink. She watched them disappear into the throng on the dance floor.

Other women came and talked to Bea, asked her to dance, but she declined all requests to leave the bar. She wanted to keep an eye on Alicia, and stay where Alicia could find her, just in case. She was staying sober too. Whatever Alicia said, Bea knew going to a gay club for the first time was a lot to handle after just coming out, and on top of that it was the first time Alicia was actively looking for ‘companionship’ since after everything last year.   
If it was too much, Bea already had a back up movie night plan in reserve.

A plan she really didn’t think she would have to use, Bea thought later, after Alicia had been gone for about an hour.

Bea craned her neck to see as much as she could of the crowd on the dance floor. She didn’t see Alicia anywhere and she was half-thinking of going in there and finding her to make sure she was okay when she caught sight of Alicia and the woman she was with on the other side of the bar. Alicia had her back to her, she could only see her new friend’s face laughing at something Alicia said. Bea looked down and saw she had her hand on Alicia’s waist. Then she decided to stop watching and take another sip of her drink.

The sight of that hand on Alicia’s waist sent a jolt of panic through Bea. She looked again and saw Alicia leaning on the bar, supporting her head on her elbow, clearly relaxed in the conversation.

Bea had been hyper-vigilant about people touching Alicia since last year, always watching to make sure that she was comfortable. For a long time, she was the only person who knew what Alicia was going through, and she wanted to always be there to lend a hand if she needed it. Alicia wouldn’t necessarily ask though, so Bea looked out for signs that she needed to step in and help.

Alicia didn’t really need her anymore though, she was doing so much better now. Bea knew that, but she was having a hard time shutting off her protective instincts.

Bea forced herself not to look over at them again. Alicia was fine, she convinced herself. She should probably look for something else to do. The image of that woman’s hand wouldn’t leave her mind, she needed a distraction. If she was being honest though, she wasn’t in the mood for this atmosphere anymore, and she definitely didn’t feel like finding a date.

Bea was staring at a woman talking to her friend ten feet away, trying to figure out where she knew her from, if they’d hooked up at some point or if she was a patient, when she felt a hand on her shoulder and turned, prepped with an excuse to get this person to go away. Before she could open her mouth, a flash of blonde hair flew past her face.

“Have you moved since I last saw you?” Alicia asked, sliding onto the stool next to Bea. She picked up Bea’s glass and took a sip. “There’s no alcohol in this.”

“Of course I’ve moved,” replied Bea, taking her drink back, “and I wanted to drive home tonight.” Bea gazed over Alicia’s beaming face. She was glowing. “You looked busy,” she said using a questioning tone.

“She was very nice, and cool, and pretty, I’ll admit!” Alicia said with a laugh. “And check it out!” She held out her hand and Bea took it, examining the phone number on Alicia’s wrist.

“Very rom-com. She couldn’t put it in your phone? Then again, good excuse to hold your hand.” She raised her eyebrows to Alicia. “Also, Sandra? That’s a 40 year old name.”

“There was a pen on the bar, but I think you’re right,” Alicia said, retracting her hand. “And I didn’t ask her age.”

“I once slept with a woman in college, thought she couldn’t be more than thirty. Turned out she was 45 with two kids and an ex-husband.”

Alicia shrugged. “I have no qualms about sleeping with someone older. Within reason,” she added.

“Oh, neither do I, except we went back to her place and let me tell you, it was a big shock to my 21 year old, hungover self to wake up to children screaming for their breakfast. She dropped me home on the way to school.”

“Dropping off your one-night-stand on the school run! Excellent parenting.” Alicia said. Bea nodded fervently, finishing her drink.

Alicia shook her head, smiling. “21 year old self. Like that was so long ago, you’re only 24! You make yourself sound so old and wise sometimes.”

“Okay, well, in this particular situation we are in right now,” Bea gestured at the people around them, “I think I am the wiser of us both.”

Alicia laughed. “Okay, yeah. I’ll give you that.”

“So will you be seeing Sandra again?”

“Nah,” Alicia said. “Don’t think she’s really my type.”

“Oh really?” Bea asked, leaning in. “Tell me more about this type of yours.”

Alicia’s eyes widened and she chuckled. “I will tell you if you like. At home. With tea.”

Bea’s smile fell. “This wasn’t a successful outing then?”

“No, no, no! It was!” Alicia protested, placing her hand on Bea’s arm. “I had fun! Thank you for bringing me,” she said sincerely. “It’s just that tonight was a lot, you know?”

Bea nodded. Of course she knew.

“And I’m really tired,” Alicia continued. “The only woman I want to go home with tonight is you.”

Bea grinned. “Aw,” she said. “That’s a sweet line, you should’ve saved that one for someone special.”

Alicia rolled her eyes and put a finger to her lips. “Shush Bea, I can still recycle it.” She stood up. “Now come on, let’s go home.”

Bea hopped down from her stool. “Let’s go.”

Alicia led the way, grabbing for Bea’s hand as they entered the crowd and headed towards the exit. Bea noticed women looking at Alicia as they passed, and felt that same rush of nervous energy she felt seeing Sandra’s hand on Alicia’s waist. She tightened her grip on Alicia’s hand as the crowd got thicker, and finally they were out the door.

Alicia let go of Bea’s hand out on the pavement. She looked around. “Where did we park?”

Bea pointed up the street. “That-a-way.”

She stood still and looked back at the door to the club, wondering why that feeling wasn’t going away.

Alicia started walking and turned around.  
“Come on then,” she said, waiting for Bea to catch up.

Bea turned from the door and looked over at Alicia, standing in the middle of the pavement and looking straight at her. Her eyes were shining and her face was lit up with a rainbow by the neon signs in the window. Alicia smiled gently and suddenly she really was radiating colour. Bea was stunned by how beautiful Alicia looked and she just couldn’t look away. Slowly she realised that what she felt in the club wasn’t just her protective instincts.

“Bea? You alright?”

“Yeah, sorry.” Bea walked and fell into step beside Alicia. “Thought I forgot my phone for a sec’ but I’ve got it.”

“Thanks for this, Bea, really,” Alicia said, putting her arm around Bea’s shoulders.

“Oh yeah, you’re welcome,” Bea replied, looking down at her shoes and trying desperately to ignore how good the warmth of Alicia’s hand on her shoulder felt.

“Think we should probably give it a minute before we try that again though,” said Alicia, turning her head to look at Bea.

“Yeah.” Bea looked up and found Alicia’s face only a few inches from her own. She swallowed. “Yeah, me too.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies to any Sandras who might read this :D


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really really wanted to add onto this but I was afraid to because I am most comfortable writing oneshots, and all attempts to write a lengthy story have failed, but screw it! I write for myself first and foremost, and I wanted to keep writing this, so I will. No idea where or if it will end or how frequent updates will be, I'm leaving the pressure off and just writing this for fun. Big thank you to the anon who requested a second chapter months back, that's why I wanted to keep going with it.   
> This is an AU now, because of the new living situation in Alicia's house (which I love, even without Bea), her and Bea wouldn't be living there alone a year after Bea first moved in. Thank you for reading!

“How about you? Did you have a good night?” Alicia asked, looking over at Bea from the passenger seat.

Bea let a puff of air out through her nose. “Yeah,” she said, starting the car. “It was fun.”

“Did you meet anyone?”

“No... not really.”

Alicia smirked. “So what were you doing all that time I was gone?”

“Nothing much, just enjoying the atmosphere, you know.” Because that’s a normal thing to say. Bea bit her lip. 

Alicia nodded and there was silence. 

Bea didn’t look back at her again. She was panicking. Where the hell did that come from? She had been treating Alicia as only a friend for the whole time that they knew each other. 

Almost the whole time. 

Bea couldn’t lie to herself, when she met Alicia, that first day in the ED, she definitely turned her head. That was all though, Bea had enough to distract her since she got there, she would never date a coworker, she could only imagine just how awkward that would be considering her track record with relationships. And anyway, she thought Alicia was straight the whole time- well, she had her suspicions, but it was clear Alicia was very much into men at the time. It made it pretty easy for Bea to put the idea out of her mind almost as soon as it came. 

So what was this then? The second Alicia came out she wanted her all of a sudden? Bea was disgusted with herself. She was supposed to be Alicia’s best friend, her support. After everything they had been through over the past year, this was where her head went?

 

It was pretty obvious Bea didn’t want to talk. Alicia glanced over at her, saw her concentrating hard on the road ahead. Why had she suddenly gone quiet in the last few minutes? Did something happen at the club? Maybe she met an old flame or someone rejected her advances. But Bea was fine before they left, she had never had any relationship worth writing home about (so she said) so it was doubtful she met an ex, and, well, look at her, who would turn Bea down? She was probably tired, Alicia thought. Going out after a long shift never seemed like a good idea but Alicia felt it always woke her right up. Maybe Bea had just reached her limit, but Alicia had a niggling feeling that wasn’t quite it.

She switched on the radio and music played with softly crackling static, a constant in Bea’s car, and a characteristic Alicia quite liked. 

She remembered a day when her car was in for a service and Bea was driving them home from work, ABBA was playing on the radio and she sang along as loud as she could, jabbing Bea in the side until she joined in and they screamed the lyrics even as the static drowned out the music and it was just their voices. 

Fleetwood Mac was playing now. Alicia listened, relaxed as she rested her head against the window. The streetlights lit the car interior and left it in shadows as they passed each one. Her eyes settled on Bea’s hand on the gearstick, watching the pale yellow light shift and contrast with the dark, highlighting the lines on her fingers, her veins and the dips between her knuckles. 

 

Alicia looked up at Bea’s face. Bea didn’t notice her gaze, still staring straight ahead. Alicia traced with her eyes Bea’s forehead, her long nose that flicked up slightly at the end, her soft cheeks, her lips, her chin and down the slope of her neck to her clavicle. She felt that old sense of longing. She didn’t just want to look, she wanted to touch. Trace that profile with her fingers instead of her eyes. 

Bea glanced over and Alicia smiled and looked away. She had to stop that now. Bea was her friend. She couldn’t go on thinking about her like that.

 

Soon they were home. Bea let them in the front door and stopped in the hall to drop her bag and slip off her shoes while Alicia strode ahead of her to the kitchen. She filled the kettle, switched it on and got their mugs down from the cupboard just as Bea joined her.

“Actually,” Bea said at the doorway. “I think I’ll pass on the tea.”

“Do you want something else?”

“No, no. I just want to go to bed, I’m wrecked.”

Alicia stopped at the cutlery drawer and turned to face her. “Is something wrong?”

Bea’s eyes were startled. She shrugged. “No, nothing.”

“You’ve barely said a word since we left the club.”

“Yeah, like I said, I’m just tired.”

Alicia was going to push further, but decided to leave it. Bea clearly didn’t want to give anything away. “’Night then.”

Bea nodded and left the doorway to head upstairs. She only got as far as putting her hand on the end of the banister when she turned around again. Alicia knew something was on her mind, she would only get more curious the weirder Bea acted, and it wasn’t like her to turn down a midnight chat. Her head was bursting with every thought she had since they walked out the door of the club, but it would be easier to process without Alicia prodding her with questions. She came back to the kitchen and stopped Alicia from putting her mug away.

“I changed my mind. I do want the tea.”

Alicia smiled and shut the cupboard door. “Good! I hate drinking alone.”

When they sat down at the table with their mugs they didn’t talk about the night, or women. Bea kept her mouth shut about Alicia’s type, and whenever the conversation turned to romance, even other people’s relationships, she changed the subject to work or family. She drank her tea too quickly, it burnt her tongue, and as soon as her cup was drained, Bea said goodnight and headed upstairs.

 

After Bea went to bed, Alicia stayed at the kitchen table finishing her tea. That conversation could only be described as small talk. Something was definitely going on with Bea, and maybe she was just tired and trying to still be fun but there was some sort of tension behind her eyes, Alicia could see it.

She thought back over the night, tried to pinpoint where it went wrong. Her and Bea talked at the bar after she said goodbye to Sandra, Bea didn’t seem to like Sandra but she was supportive and Alicia didn’t go any further with her so that couldn’t be it. Alicia said she wanted to leave, Bea looked relieved when she said it or Alicia would think she was annoyed for going home too early. And then they left and that’s when Bea went all quiet and strange. She must be missing something. Alicia sat back in her chair and thought some more. She remembered holding Bea’s hand as they left, she remembered other women looking at them and feeling smug about it, even though Bea wasn’t hers to hold onto. 

Could that be it? Holding Bea’s hand? 

Alicia felt a hot anger all of a sudden. What, so now she was out she couldn’t hold another woman’s hand in a crowd without it meaning something? Without it being awkward? Could that be what was bothering Bea? No, not Bea, surely. Bea wouldn’t think like that. 

Alicia wanted to shake herself. Bea was just exhausted, and even if there was something else going on, how narcissistic was she to think it had to have something to do with her? 

Still, she wondered.

 

Bea lay on her back, listening to Alicia downstairs- her chair legs squeaking against the floor, footsteps, the kitchen tap.

This would go away, right? There was nothing to worry about. It was just a little crush and it would go no further, Bea would make sure of that. How? She didn’t know. Ordinarily she would cut off contact the moment she felt herself catch feelings for a woman beyond fleeting attraction. That option wasn’t available this time. Bea didn’t want it anyway.

There was creaking and footsteps on the stairs as Alicia came up. On the landing Bea heard her footsteps come closer and stop outside her door. She stayed still for a moment, she thought Alicia had moved on but then the floorboards creaked and she knew Alicia was still there. Another few seconds and Alicia was walking away. Bea heard her door shut.

Bea turned over, pulling her duvet up to her neck. She had so much to think about, to worry about, but she was already so tired. Sleep was unlikely, but she closed her eyes and wished for a break from all the thoughts churning in her head.


	4. Chapter 4

Alicia woke up after 10 and lay still, staring at the ceiling as she recalled the night before. She hoped Bea would be on the other side of whatever was going on with her so they could spend their day off together.  
When Alicia left her room though, Bea’s bedroom door was wide open and her bed unoccupied. Odd for Bea, she usually slept in whenever she could, and on her days off Alicia rarely saw her awake until closer to midday.

Alicia continued on downstairs. “Bea?” she called out to the house. There was no response and a quick scan showed Bea’s keys were gone from the table in the hall.

 

Bea ran as far away from the house as she could.

She had gotten barely any sleep and woke up early with her body feeling tight. She tried to rest some more but gave up and got her runners on to hopefully shake off the tension. She ran as far as the hospital and stopped suddenly in the middle of the car park. Bea doubled over and put her hands on her knees as she caught her breath. Her chest was burning, she definitely needed to run more. She used to run with Ruby, and trying to keep up with her kept Bea motivated, but their schedules had been conflicting lately.

  
Bea looked around her. God, what was she doing here? She guessed it was just the familiar route that took her to her workplace, and that thought made her sad. She needed more in her life than this, work and home. Work and Alicia.

“Are you alright?”

Bea put her head back to see Ruby standing next to her, dressed in uniform and peering down at her concernedly. “Yeah,” Bea said breathlessly.

Ruby smiled. “Good, because my shift just ended. I thought it was your day off?”

Bea straightened up and put her hands on her hips. “Yeah… it is. I just needed the exercise.”

“You ran to work on your day off?”

“Yeah, so?” Bea huffed.

Ruby stepped back. “I was just asking.”

Bea nodded, regretting her tone. “Yeah, I know. I’m sorry.”

“Have you eaten yet?” Ruby asked, scratching her neck.

Bea shook her head.

“Do you want to get some breakfast?” Ruby looked to the sky thoughtfully. “Or, um… brunch, I suppose?”

“Uhh…” Bea wanted to clear her head by herself, but she was tired. Maybe hanging out with Ruby would distract her. It had been a while since they had caught up. “Um. Yeah, sure!”

Ruby dropped her shoulders. “Great! Give me two minutes to change,” she said as she turned back towards the ambulance station. “Defibrillator’s over there if you need it!”

 

Ruby brought them to some sort of health food cafe. The menu had a lot of familiar dishes made with ingredients that didn’t match, so after deciding everything looked kind of gross, Bea ordered a smoothie. She didn’t feel very hungry anyway.

“You sure that’s all you want?” Ruby asked her when their order came to the table.

Looking down at Ruby’s quinoa pancakes (or something similar, definitely something that didn’t sound right with pancakes), Bea nodded, taking a sip from her straw. “Quite sure.”

“I thought it was hunger.”

“Thought what was hunger?”

Ruby drew a circle around Bea’s face with her fork. “Your general mood.”

“There’s no mood, Ruby. I’m just tired.”

“Something on your mind?”

Should’ve kept running, Bea thought. She shook her head. “How was your shift?”

“Saturday night shift,” Ruby said. She tilted her head to one side and grimaced. “It goes beyond description.”

Bea swallowed some smoothie and pointed her cup towards Ruby. “True. I don’t envy you.”

“Did you have any plans for your day off?”

“Planned to sleep.”

Ruby laughed. “Yeah, I was thinking it was a bit early for you to be out.”

Bea scoffed. “How would you know?”

“Alicia told me about your sleeping habits.”

At the mention of Alicia’s name, all the thoughts that Ruby had distracted Bea from came flooding back. Her smile fell.

“What’s up?” Ruby asked.

“Really… nothing at all. Just had a weird night.”

“How was it weird?”

“Well, it wasn’t, I guess. It was fine. It doesn’t matter.”

Bea looked away and slipped a hand under the neck of her shirt to rub her shoulder. Ruby chewed her food through the silence between them. Half of her brain told her not to stir things up, Bea didn’t want to open up, the other half was letting her curiosity take over.

“You and Alicia went to the gay club last night, right?”

Bea’s head snapped back to face Ruby. “Alicia told you?”  
She was surprised, she didn’t think Alicia was even coming out to other people at the hospital. She thought Alicia would take it slow after their first conversation last week.

“Well, she just mentioned it at lunch yesterday. Did something happen last night?”

“Um, no. Wait, when did she tell you that she was…?” Bea didn’t quite form the word, she couldn’t assume what information Alicia trusted Ruby with.

“She didn’t,” Ruby said. “She didn’t need to, I sort of picked up on it.” Ruby’s mind flashed back to catching Alicia gazing after Bea in the hospital months ago. “... And I guess she knew I knew because she never said it straight out. Yesterday was the first time she mentioned it.”

Ruby remembered Alicia say it quickly after Ruby asked her about her weekend plans, following a nervous laugh, she looked Ruby in the eye as she spoke before changing the subject to a patient she had that day and Ruby smiled, nodding enthusiastically and hoping Alicia understood she got it and she was so happy for her.

“Right…you are quite perceptive,” Bea said. What else could Ruby see? “But yeah, no. It’s nothing to do with Alicia. It’s nothing.”

“Okay,” Ruby said. She didn’t ask if what was bothering Bea had anything to do with Alicia. She opened her mouth to say so, but while she chose her words Bea took a deep breath and stretched her neck.

“So,” Bea said, leaning forward across the table. “Tell me about your nightmare shift.”

 

Alicia dug into the bottom of her handbag for her keys. As she took them out a piece of paper came with it. She registered it as some receipt and crumpled it up when she saw a mark in blue biro. Flattening it out, she flipped the receipt over and saw a phone number signed: ‘Call me! x Amy’. Then it came back to her, Amy was a woman she met in the bathroom at the club the other night. They started chatting after Amy complimented the lipstick Alicia was wearing.

Alicia was so into the conversation and, if she was honest, Amy, that she almost forgot there was a woman waiting for her at the bar. She had to excuse herself to run off back to Sandra. She thought of Amy only once or twice before they left the club and she didn’t think she would see her again. Amy must have slipped the note into her bag at some point after Alicia left the bathroom.  
Alicia heard Bea’s key turn in the front door. She looked again at the note then carefully folded up the receipt and put it back in her bag as Bea came in and closed the door.

Alicia walked down the hall to meet her before she could disappear again.

“Hey,” she said brightly. “Where were you?”

Bea put her hand on the stair banister. “Went for a run, then brunch with Ruby.” She focused on Alicia for a moment and gave her a half-smile before taking the first step on the stairs. “I got to take a shower.”

Alicia watched her ascend, gone as quickly as she came. Not over whatever happened last night then.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In my universe, all the Casualty women are friends! And they talk to each other all the time, quite often about a vast array of subjects that doesn't include men! (I'm a very tired lesbian) Expect a lot of women sitting and talking in this story is basically what I'm saying. Ruby and Bea are such a dream team in my eyes, I wish they'd gotten a chance to interact on a deep level at least once before Bea disappeared to France. Thank you for reading and be please let me know what you think!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and please let me know what you think!

When Bea woke on Monday morning the house was quiet. She turned over to check the clock and saw it was long past the time she was meant to be up.

Bea got out of bed straight away and hopped in the shower. Distracting herself worked. Ruby helped, so did the pile of notes she fell asleep on, scattered at the end of her bed. Bea was glad she got a good night’s sleep before work, just not at the expense of missing the start of her shift. 

She found her shampoo bottle empty and her hair desperately needed a wash. She searched the shower for a substitute and spotted Alicia’s. Without thinking she squeezed out a dollop into her hand and lathered it into her hair. The shower was filled with Alicia’s perfume and Bea realised her mistake. Now Alicia would follow her everywhere today. She rinsed her hair as well as she could, as if it would make a difference, and stepped out of the shower to get dry. 

Standing in the kitchen eating a slice of toast over the sink, Bea could still smell Alicia, she only hoped once her hair dried and she got it up and away from her face it wouldn’t be so intoxicating. 

She checked the time, she should already be at the hospital. Bea dumped her crusts in the bin and swiped her bag off the table as she went to leave the house.

 

15 minutes later, sitting in gridlock traffic, Bea knew her plan to slip into the ED and get to work with her absence unnoticed probably wasn’t going to work. She had better call up and let them know they would be a doctor down for however long it took her to get to the hospital.

Bea didn’t have bluetooth in her car so she usually left her phone on silent in her bag or in the back seat and retrieved it after she parked. She never used to bother but seeing too many casualties from RTCs caused by distracted drivers knocked her into enforcing that particular rule. Bea rummaged through her bag and found her phone at the bottom, unlocked it and tapped the first contact on her call log.

“Bea!” Alicia answered chirpily. “You’re late.”

“Yeah, that’s why I called. I’m stuck in traffic.”

Alicia clicked her tongue. “How long do you think you’ll be?”

Bea sighed. “No idea. I’ve been sitting here ten minutes already.”

“Alright then, I’ll let Mrs. Beauchamp know.” The line went silent and Bea was about to hang up when Alicia spoke again.

“Hey, since you’re not doing anything, can I talk to you?”

Bea straightened up, instantly on alert. “Sure, what’s up?”

“Right so,” Alicia said. “I was going through my bag and I found something from the other night, a phone number.”

Bea relaxed back into her seat. “Sandra got desperate, eh?”

“No, no, different woman!”

“What? Who? I thought you were with Sandra the whole time.”

“Well, I went to the bathroom and I met Amy.”

“Wow, you were really reaping them in.” 

Alicia’s laugh sprung from the phone and Bea couldn’t ignore the lift she felt at the sound of it.

“So you’re going to call her?”

“Yeah, I think I’d like to. Might ask her out, but that’s not too forward is it? I mean, what if she gives out her number to every random stranger?”

“Um, I don’t know.” Bea wanted to tell her not to call. She could do without seeing Alicia with another woman while she figured out how she felt. It wasn’t fair to her though. “She left you her number, probably safe to assume she wants you to call her.”

“So… go for it?”

Bea slapped her hand on the steering wheel and glared at the car in front of her, willing herself to force the right answer out of her mouth. “Yes. Sure! Go for it.

“Alright! Thank you Bea!”

“You’re welcome,” Bea said under her breath.

“Okay, I’ll see you soon!” Alicia said. “Hopefully.”

 

Just go for it. What’s the worst that could happen? She says no. Alicia could deal with that. It’ll be fine, she kept telling herself, as she dialled the number off the receipt in her hand. She put the phone to her ear, it was ringing. Alicia took a deep breath as she heard the call being picked up.

“Hello?”

“Hi!” Alicia didn’t know what to say for a moment. “Is this Amy?”

“It is indeed, who’s asking?”

“Oh hi, Amy. Um, it’s Alicia, from- well, we met in the bathroom the other night, you might not remember…

“Of course I do! I don’t generally give my number out to forgettable people. It’s good to hear from you.”

Alicia smiled. She felt butterflies. “You too. So, um, this may seem a bit forward but I was wondering if maybe- and I realise this is kind of out of the blue- I was wondering if you might like to, um… to go out with me?” Alicia remembered Bea saying you had to be very clear on your intentions with women or they’d think you only wanted to be friends. “On a date?” she added quickly.

There was a beat of silence and Amy responded. “Sure, I’d love to!”

“Really? Great!”

“How’s tonight sound?”

Wow, this woman moved fast. “I am free tonight but I don’t get off until after seven. Will that be a bit late by the time I can meet you?”

“It’s good for me. How about a drink?”

“That’s great!” Alicia said. “Okay, well, I’ll make a plan and text you later, okay?”

“Sounds good, see you later!”

“Bye!”

Alicia hung up and stared at her phone for a moment, amazed at how easy that was. Easy was nice, amazing actually. It was exactly what Alicia craved right now. Every other shot at romance in the past year had felt so forced. This was simple and she was excited about it, and that surprised her. Bea had dominated her thoughts for so long, for a little while she thought Bea was the only woman she wanted, and even though that turned out to not be true after some reflection, she had definitely put her on a pedestal because Bea was wrapped up in the euphoria of figuring out she was bisexual- not that Bea didn’t deserve the hype, she was really something. But after a year of Alicia analysing her attraction to one fantastic redhead, it was good to know there was something else out there to get excited about.

  
  


Bea threw her phone to the passenger seat, already regretting her advice to Alicia, which possibly just added to the mounting pile of evidence that she had a big problem. Bea knew that she was attracted to Alicia, there was no denying it now. She only wanted more time to process it, which would be easier if Alicia wasn’t going to date someone else, but just because Bea was confused and floundering didn’t mean Alicia had to suffer as well. 

Alicia deserved to have fun with someone she liked. Bea didn’t want her own stuff affecting Alicia at all. She would suck it up and be happy for her. Bea knew she could  be. Seeing Alicia happy would make her happy too, there might just be a whole load of other emotions tied to it as well. 

The car in front of Bea’s finally moved ahead and Bea followed suit. She couldn’t wait to get to work, a distraction was what she really needed. 

Suddenly Bea heard a loud bang. She didn’t have a second to react before she it came again much louder than before as her car violently launched forward. Her whole body went with the momentum and her head hit the steering wheel. Her vision went black.


	6. Chapter 6

“Got any gossip?” Jan asked Ruby as they sat eating lunch in the ambulance.

Ruby chewed a piece of carrot slowly, thinking it over and jumping right past a thought of the situation involving two doctors. She shook her head.

“Don’t know what I’d expect you to say if you did, to be honest,” Jan said. 

The radio crackled and reported the address of an RTC. 

“Oh, we’re close by. Ruby start the engine,” Jan said before she answered the radio and told them they were coming. Control fed them more details on the way. Three cars were involved, there would be another ambulance on the way. Apparently the accident was caused by a driver having a heart attack on the road and ploughing right into the car in front. There was no information about the people in the other cars. 

They sped down the road towards the scene. In a case like this, every second counted.

 

Bea lifted her head. Her ears were ringing as she sat back and blinked, getting her bearings. She had a sharp pain in the front of her head, she put her hand up just to graze her fingertips over her forehead and felt tingles of pain as they passed. Definitely going to have a bruise.

There were shouts from outside the car and Bea suddenly became aware of her surroundings, then remembered what she heard before her car was hit.

Her door was opened and a man knelt beside her, talking. Bea was still trying to work out what happened, she barely heard him. She remembered hearing two crashes, two other cars were involved. Thankfully Bea’s own car didn’t hit anything. 

She took a deep breath. She had to check the people in the other cars and do what she could to help them. 

Bea turned in her seat to get out only to be blocked by the man talking to her. She finally started paying attention to him.

“Hey, hey. Stay where you are now, help is on the way.” He spoke slowly and clearly. He looked to be in his fifties, salt and pepper hair, dressed for an office. He looked like a father, Bea could tell just from his eyes.

“I’ll be fine, don’t worry, I’m a doctor,” Bea said. She meant to sound confident but her voice was shaking. So were her hands. “Just let me out so I can check the other drivers.”

“I’m the one who hit you,” the man said. “I know you want to help, but you’ve hit your head so please, just relax for a minute until help gets here.”

“I am help,” Bea said under her breath. She looked over the man. “How about you, are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine, my airbags went off. Bit of whiplash maybe.”

“That doesn’t mean you’re fine,” Bea said. “You shouldn’t have left your seat.”

“What’s your name?” he asked.

Bea sighed. “Bea.”

“Bea. I’m John.”

“What about the other driver? Are they okay?”

“Someone’s doing CPR. They think she had a heart attack, that’s what cau-” 

Bea cut John off as she pushed past him to get out of the car. As soon as she stood up she felt as if she was on a see-saw and she reached out to the car for support. Her eyes focused and she saw a group gathered close to a body on the footpath, it was a woman with grey hair, another woman was performing compressions.

Bea staggered over, she managed to keep her balance until she knelt down on the pavement beside them. 

“My name’s Bea, I’m a doctor,” she said as she took a look at the unconscious woman. She spoke directly to the woman performing CPR. “You’re doing a great job. I’ll take over for you now, okay?” 

The woman nodded in response and moved back, looking relieved to pass the responsibility. Bea acted on auto-pilot as she checked the woman’s pulse. She wasn’t breathing. It didn’t look good but Bea clicked right into her role and recommenced chest compressions

Bea kept up CPR despite her dizziness. There were black dots in her vision but she kept going, focusing only on counting compressions and pressing hard enough to keep the blood pumping.

 

Ruby turned onto the right street and the first thing she saw was a little yellow car with one red door.

“Oh no,” she said as she parked by the curb and saw the damage done to the back of the vehicle. “That’s Bea’s car.”

Jan followed her gaze as she got out of the ambulance. “It could be anyone’s, get a move on!”

Ruby jumped out and went to get the trolley from the back. She knew it was Bea’s car, it was pretty distinctive even from a distance. Bea wasn’t in it though which she guessed was a good sign.

“Ruby!” she heard Jan calling. She ran, wheeling the trolley over to the people congregated around one spot. 

“Can you all move on please?” Ruby called out. “Give us some space.” 

As the group dispersed Ruby caught sight of a red haired head bobbing up and down over a body on the ground and breathed a sigh of relief. Bea was performing CPR on an unconscious woman. Jan already had the defibrillator out, she looked up to Ruby as she approached. 

“Take over there for Dr. Kinsella.” Jan looked concerned as she nodded to Bea.

Ruby knelt down beside her. “I’ve got her now, Bea.”

Bea didn’t stop or move away. Ruby touched her back. “Bea, you can stop now. I’m taking over.”

Still no response. Ruby took a look at Bea’s face and found her skin white, her eyes vacant, but she was still doing compressions.

“Bea?”

 

Bea’s ears were ringing again. She couldn’t see anything except her hands moving up and down on the patient’s chest. Something broke through though. She heard someone say her name.

“Bea, you’ve done enough. Let me take over.”

Bea turned her head and saw Ruby. When did she get here? She looked around. Jan was there too, applying defibrillator stickers. Bea took her hands off the patient.

“Sorry. Sorry, here.” She moved down and knelt by the patient’s knees as Ruby took over. 

Jan smiled at Bea. “It’s alright love. We saw your car, you alright?”

“I’m fine,” Bea replied, catching her breath. “And I’m here to help. Just tell me what to do.”

“You don’t look fine,” Ruby said through heavy breaths as she continued CPR. 

“She hit her head on the steering wheel,” said a voice. Bea looked around, John was standing behind her. “Looked like she was knocked out,” he said.

Jan took a worried glance at Bea. “I’m afraid you can’t treat people when you’re a patient yourself, Dr. Kinsella.”

“Listen, I’m fi-”

“You’re not needed,” Ruby said firmly. “Another ambulance is coming, just move back and sit tight until it gets here.”

Bea was stunned by the authority in Ruby’s voice, she had never heard it before. 

“Can you stay with her please?” Jan said to John. “It shouldn’t be too long.”

“Of course,” John said. He got down beside Bea and held out his arm for her to take. Bea couldn’t think of any arguments. She took his arm and let him help her off the pavement. As she stood up, Bea saw black starbursts all around her. All her energy had ebbed away. It felt like the ground was rising under her feet and she unconsciously leaned against John. He put his arm around her shoulders and led them over to the curb where he helped Bea sit down. 

“Alright?” he asked her, settling down beside Bea. “How do you feel?”

“I’m okay,” Bea said even as her head pounded.

“It’s amazing how you took charge there after just being in car crash.”

“I had CPR drilled into me so many times…” Bea mumbled.

“She was lucky to have you there.”

“The woman before me was doing alright.”

“I mean having a doctor there, that was lucky.”

“Do you have somewhere to be?”

“I think they’ll understand, given the circumstances,” John said. He looked towards the pile-up. “Should we exchange insurance information?”

Bea groaned. “Do we have to talk about this now?”

“No, not at all. I just wanted to keep you talking.”

“I can't think of my phone number.”

“I’m not the doctor here but…”

“Yeah. I know. Concussion, probably. Likely.”

Bea didn’t want to talk anymore. The sun was shining too brightly for her to tolerate. She drew her knees up and wrapped her arms around them, put her head down and closed her eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and please let me know what you think!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't abandon this, I just got busy. And stopped watching Casualty :/ . And have been writing thasmin instead :D.   
> Thank you for reading, hope you enjoy!

They got her heart back to normal rhythm just as the second ambulance arrived. Jan found the driver’s purse in the car and matched a name to the patient. Mary White.

Ruby helped wheel her onto the ambulance. As she closed the doors she saw Bea sitting on the curb with her head down. They were in a rush to get Mary to the hospital but Ruby took a second to speak to one of the paramedics in the other ambulance.

 

“Hi. Were you in the accident? Are you okay?”

The voice brought Bea back to reality. She kept her head down while Ruby spoke to John.

“Probably best you see a doctor if you can. If you can get a lift to the hospital even.”

“There’s a policeman here to speak to anyone involved, you should probably… yes. I’ll take it from here. It’s alright, we’re friends.”

Bea took her head off her knees and was met by Ruby’s kind face. She was kneeling on the road in front of her, watching her intently.

She felt a hand touch her shoulder. “Alright, Bea,” John said. “This is where we part. I leave you in good hands.”

“Thanks John,” Bea said, managing a smile.

“Take care of yourself now,” he replied, and he stood up and walked away, leaving Bea and Ruby on their own.

“How’s the patient?” Bea asked.

“Got a steady heartbeat. Jan’s just taken her.”

“Hm. Well done. Didn’t think she would make it honestly,” Bea said, monotone. She dropped her chin on her knees and stared ahead.

Her apathetic response didn’t go unnoticed by Ruby.

“Well, she did. Thanks to you.”

“Why are you still here?” Bea asked her. “Aren’t you with Jan?”

“I didn’t want to leave you. Got another paramedic to swap and go with her.”

“You didn’t have to do that…”

“Trust me, I did,” Ruby said. “Okay, tell me what you remember.”

“It’s pretty obvious what happened.”

“That’s not what I asked you, Bea.”

“I hit my head on the steering wheel.”

“Right, okay. How does your neck feel?”

“Nothing alarming to report.”

“Take this seriously. You scared me.”

Bea’s eyes focused on Ruby’s. “I didn’t get into an accident on purpose, Rubes.”

Ruby shook her head, the image of Bea’s blank face during CPR still clear in her mind. “Are you still dizzy?”

Bea held up an imaginary pea between her thumb and index finger. “Little bit.”

“Can you stand?”

“Hope so.”

“Let’s give it a go,” Ruby leaned forward and helped Bea to stand up on the road.

“Alicia’s going to freak when she finds out,” Ruby said as they walked together to the ambulance. Bea stopped, closing her eyes with a sigh.

“What’s wrong? You alright?”

“Yeah,” Bea said taking another step forward. “Just remembered something, that’s all.”

 

***

Connie put down the phone. “Cardiac arrest ETA three minutes. Is resus one clear?”

“It is now,” said Alicia.

“Okay, Alicia, with me.”  

Two minutes later there was a trolley coming through the doors, Jan pushing and listing off information about what happened as the flurry of staff approached resus.

“There was a doctor on scene, correct?” asked Connie.

“Yes, Dr. Kinsella performed chest compressions until we arrived in the ambulance.”

Alicia’s head shot up from where she was listening to the patient’s chest. “What, Bea? What was she doing there?”

“She was involved in the accident, she’s on her way with Ruby now.”

“In the crash?” Alicia asked urgently. “Is she okay?”

“Alicia, eyes front.”

Connie looked over to Jan with eyebrows raised and Jan came closer to speak to her quietly. “She hit her head, bit dazed but she seems alright.”

“Alright, thank you, Jan.”

  
  
  


As soon as she could get away, Alicia was out of resus looking for her housemate.

“Where’s Bea?”

Charlie pointed her towards the desk. “Talk to Elle, she’s treating her.”

Alicia went over where Elle was writing notes, she looked up and smiled when she saw Alicia. 

“Is she okay?”

“She has a concussion but she’ll be fine. Mercifully.” 

Alicia breathed a huge sigh of relief. Despite being told Bea seemed to be fine and even treated a patient, she had been terrified since she heard she was in the accident. Hearing the news was like being punched in the chest.

Elle shook her head. “It could’ve been a lot worse with no airbags. You can go see her, I found her somewhere quiet to rest.”

  
  


Alicia opened the door to the room Bea was in. She was alone, sitting on the edge of a bed and staring into space. Alicia approached her slowly.

“So. Airbags didn’t go off,” Alicia stated. 

Bea looked over at her, momentarily confused, then she sighed. “Yeah,” she said quietly.

“Tell me your car’s totalled because I never want to see it again.”

“Didn’t get a good look but whatever the damage it’s probably not worth fixing.” It hit Bea there, she was probably going to have to scrap her car now. Maybe it wasn’t pretty and the door didn’t open, sometimes it didn’t start- usually at the most inconvenient moment, but it was her first car, the first big purchase she had ever made on her own, it was a symbol of independence at a time in her life when she really needed it. Saying goodbye would be tough.

“You alright? How bad’s the headache?”

“It’s grand.”

“I’ll get you something for it.”

Bea didn’t care. She was ready to change the subject and only one thing came to mind. “Did you call Amy?”

Alicia’s eyes darted somewhere behind Bea’s head before she answered. “I did.”

“Well? Did you get the date?”

There was a long pause. “No, she wasn’t interested.”

“Why- why’d she give you her number only to reject you?”

Alicia shrugged. “You’re the expert, remember?”

Bea watched her suspiciously. “Are you lying?” she asked. “Why? What’s up?”

Alicia shook her head, smiling. “God, really, I can’t get anything past you, can I?”

“What is it?”

“I asked her out and she said yes. We were going to get drinks tonight.”

“Did something happen?”

“Yeah,” Alicia said. “You got in a car accident.”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“I’m going to stay home with you tonight, keep an eye on you.”

“I’ll be fine! Go out with Amy.”

“We’ll reschedule. She’ll be cool with it, I promise.”

“Look, I don’t need looking after. I’m fine.”

“Yes, you do. You have a concussion, Bea. You can’t be on your own.”

“I’ll get someone else to stay with me then. You should go out and have fun.”

“I will go out and have fun. Another night. I got a big fright when I heard you were hurt and I don’t even want to let you out of my sight right now.”

Bea sighed and looked away. Her head was too muddled to figure out exactly how she felt about this, but she knew there was a lot and the headache didn’t make it easier to process. She felt Alicia touch her arm and looked up.

“Are you okay?” Alicia asked. “Listen, is there something you’re not telling me?”

Oh boy. “Wha- why would you ask me that?”

“I don’t know how much of this is the concussion but you seem pretty upset. Is there anything I should know? Do you have any other injuries?”

“No. I’m fine.”

Alicia didn’t push further but kept watching Bea carefully. “Elle agrees you should stay here. So I’ll drive you home at the end of my shift.”

“That’s hours away.”

“I know, Bea, but it’s safer for you and I feel much better knowing there’s people to keep an eye on you. You can get some rest, you must be tired?”

Bea nodded.

“Okay,” Alicia said. “Lie back then, I’ll make sure no one disturbs you.”

Bea scooted down the bed and put her legs up and lay back. Alicia put her hand on her shoulder and rubbed it with her thumb.

“I’ll come and check on you in a bit, okay?”

“Yeah,” Bea said as she turned over, away from Alicia.

 

Alicia closed the door behind her and went to the counter. Jan and Ruby were there chatting and they looked up when they saw Alicia.

“How’s she doing now?” Ruby asked.

“Um, okay, I suppose, physically anyway. Think the accident shocked her a bit, she seems upset or… annoyed or something. I don’t know.”

“It’s probably because you lot are fussing over her,” Jan said. “You know doctors, they make terrible patients. They don’t like to be on the other side of things.”

“Yeah, that’s probably it,” Alicia said, looking back at where she left Bea.

“There’s no way Bea’s okay with being off work. She lives for this job.”

“Did she say anything to you?”

“No, nothing besides what happened. I just know Bea,” Ruby said. “Make sure she takes it easy.”

“Don’t worry, Rubes. I’ll look after her. Whether she wants me to or not.”


End file.
